Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer


As a customer service rep, I have to bite my sarcastibitch tongue a LOT in order to keep my job which i really do love.

Here are some of my questions and their answers and then the responses I wish I could give:


Q: Will you be using machinery to dig? (Its a yes or no question people)

A: A small excavator

Is that a midget with a shovel or a small child?



Q: Have you marked the area in white?
(again yes or no)

A: Yes, its marked in orange (or green or blue or purple)
Well, orange is not white so so I am going to put no

Same question as above

A: The crew is on site.
Unless the crew on site has marked it in white not red green orange or purple the answer is no dipshit

Q: What day to you plan on digging?

A: I'm in no hurry

So I can put you down for three years from now?

Q: What street touches your street absolutely closest to your house

A: There isn't one

So do you parachute to your house, because you obviously can't drive there without a street connecting to yours





Q: What type of work will you be doing?

A: Excavation

Really? Imagine that! Calling in to a call before you dig center and you are going to be digging? fucking amazing!



Now, like the cable company, there is not a set time that the utilities will be responding to the dig request. Because we notify ALL utilities and they send out their own people to mark, the legal response time is 2 full business days not including the day the call is made. So if you call us today, they have all day tomorrow and all day Monday until 11:59 PM (that is 1 minute before midnight for those who are chronologically challenged). I explain this to all of the first time callers and home owners just the same way I explained it to you all.

Still, before the end of the call, I get asked,

When do you think they will be here?


Due to budget cuts, they have taken away my crystal ball.



Because my tongue is now full of teeth marks and bleeds a lot, I have been able to keep my job career for 9 years




please vote for me

25 comments:

Being Brazen said...

bwhahahahaha!

Douglas said...

Parachute to your house. That's funny.

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Shawn said...

Which call center do you contact if you want to hire a midget with a shovel?

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dizz said...

Always happy to give you a morning chuckle

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

dizz said...

Yeah.. I think so too.. too bad my boss doesn't see it that way

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

dizz said...

Maybe Midget Excavators R Us? I'll have to look into that and get back with you

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

ReformingGeek said...

Do you think they will be there today?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I have to be very careful about my sarcastic tendencies sometimes!

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dizz said...

Not with me!! I LOVE every minute of it

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

Jo said...

My friends and I laugh a lot because when we go out to dinner, it never fails the waiter (usually a young male) will ask "how do you know each other?" and we'll say "we met in a moms group" and then he'l say... "oh, you're moms. so you all have kids?" um, yes, that's what usually qualifies a woman as a MOM!

Quirkyloon said...

"chronologically challenged"

I love it! That was fun-neeeee!

Sucks that you have to put up with that kind of idiocy, but you make it sound so fun (after the fact). heh heh

Ookami Snow said...

Yeah, sarcasm and random people on the phone don't mix... however they should.

There are so many times where I just want to ask them "Do you even know what you are doing?"

Lee of MWOB said...

I commend you for being able to bite your tongue like that. Stupid questions drive me insane....no wonder you've been there for nine years! You are a HERO! ;-)

Hope you had a great mother's day!! :-)

And fancy fancy comment deal here - what is it?

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dizz said...

Wooooooooooooow! Not the brightest crayons in the shed are they

dizz said...

HEHE I loved that phrase too. The idiocy is what keeps me sane. (after the fact)

dizz said...

But can you imagine how many times a day we would have to ask that? Thanks for coming by my blog I will visit yours after work

dizz said...

Well thanks.. but if these people only knew how much I made fun of them after the call lol

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Trukindog said...

9 years, I'm impressed but come on don't ya let one slip now & then?

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blognut said...

Gotta love it!

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Riff Dog said...

Bite marks can be hell on a tongue. So you should probably get a tongue protector. I had to get one for myself for when I'd be recording bad singers and they'd constantly ask, "How did that sound?"

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chele said...

man you always crack me up

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dizz said...

Actually, yes. A customer was telling me that a road did not intersect wither her road. Since she was local (we take care of the whole state) and I grew up in the area she lives, when she said, "But it doesn't intersect"


I said, "But it does you see" Luckily, one of the equally immature, sarcastic team leaders happened to be "listening for quality assurance" she told me it was a little TOO sarcastic even for her

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

dizz said...

The only reason I keep going back to that place is to find out what the hell is going to happen next

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

dizz said...

ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I might look into that one. Thanks for the tip!

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

dizz said...

I try ;)

Recent blog post: Sarcasm just one of the many free services I offer

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Although it would be a blast doing your job, I would probably be fired very quickly because I, unlike you, could not bite my tongue...

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