My anus is the size of Neptune!

Well.. ok maybe not MY anus.. but YOUR anus is. Shit... sorry too insulting? OK OK fine Uranus is the size of Neptune.

This is my daughters last week of high school and all 7 of her teachers have slammed the seniors with projects and homework. Last night, her father and I were helping with doing her homework so she could get her 7 page math homework done so she could work on her economics project so she could get an English project done so she could go to bed before 3am. It was all about the planets. I don't know how cool and immature you parents are, but judging from the fact that you keep reading my blog, I'd say you have the same problem I do.. you have a 14 year old boy inside you. Oh shit that come out wrong. What I mean is you have the mentality of a 14 year old boy.

Each time we came across a question about Uranus my hubby and I couldn't help but crack jokes and laugh hysterically at each of them.

I would read Hubs the question and though he knows everything is very smart, he would double check the the book to make sure he was right. Now when you read the word Uranus, you know its a planet. But to hear it read aloud, and depending on your maturity level, whatever you may be drinking spews from your nose. For instance, my opener. The multiple choice question I read to Hubs was, "Which of the following planets is similar to Uranus in terms of its mass and size." I couldn't even get the sentence out because I was laughing like one of those damn hyenas in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." So of course he starts laughing and I warned him that his answer had better be Pluto, (its the smallest in case you forgot) because remember.. this is MY anus we're talking about., not yours. The answer of course, is Neptune.

Another multiple choice question was "A gas giant with a distinctive blue-green color indicating the presence of methane in it's helium and hydrogen atmosphere." Well.. common sense tells you that your anus contains a LOT of methane gas, so there you have your answer. ~~~Snicker~~~ Your anus is a gas giant.. DUH!
Hubs says.. "You know, I never imagined the gasses to be blue green, I'd thought they be more brownish"

After about an hour of this, our sides splitting, guts hurting and daughter rolling her eyes and telling us to grow up, Hubs declared "This is becoming anal". I lost it again, they pointed and laughed at my jello-belly as it jiggled while I was in a non-stop laughing fit. At least it got a workout.

Some other hysterical (to me anyway) facts about this great planet:
It has rings (I wonder if they will also discover beads)

Uranus is the only planet called by a Greek name rather than a Roman name (Is this because it was thought Greeks were assholes?)

You can see Uranus with the unaided eye (But can the unaided brown eye see?)

Uranus has only been visited once (THAT one is a lie! Many have visited again and again whether you are going to admit it or not!)

Uranus has 27 moons (Here I thought it only had one of its own.)

Uranus is turned over on its side (you know for easier access)

Uranus is the coldest planet (Really? I thought it'd be the warmest one)




Other questions that cracked me up:

"What is outgassing?" Of course I, like you, immediately blurted "FARTING" Although its a great answer, apparently it's not the one they wanted. It is actually the process responsible for forming Earth's early atmosphere.

The early oceans became salty when:
my answer was Adam and Eve went swimming and had to pee.

The least dense planet in the solar system is Saturn. (does this mean the other planets are stupid?)

Neptune's and Jupiter's Spots are (their G-spots?)
Fine they are storms. My answer was better.

I hope you enjoyed the perversion on planetary science. I know I did






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