Stupid is as stupid does

I have gotten out of some traffic tickets my in my time. Some, thanks to my flirting; some, thanks to my cute kids; while others... just because I am a dumb blond.

One time I got pulled over in a residential area for speeding. I was wearing my seatbelt. The officer comes up to the window where I already had my drivers license and registration hanging out of the window for him. He asked me if I knew why he had pulled me over. I said, "probably because I was speeding." He agreed with me and went to his car to run my plates.

He came back and told me my speeding ticket would be $140 dollars. I about shit. Then he says, "I am going to give you a seatbelt ticket." Me, with my seatbelt still on, gets pissed. I said "but, sir, I am wearing my seatbelt, I was wearing it when you pulled me over too. He says, "Ma'am, I am going to give you a $27 dollar seatbelt ticket" Me, being the dumbshit that I am, continued to argue. "But sir, I don't understand, you pulled me over for speeding AND you are giving me a seatbelt ticket when I am clearly wearing it?" He sighs, rolls his eyes and says.. "Ma'am, I DID pull you over for speeding, which is a pretty big fine of $140, but you were clearly NOT wearing your seatbelt, so I am giving you a $27 dollar speeding ticket, which would you rather?" So the light FINALLY clicks on, I quickly rip my seatbelt off, and said "You are absolutely right sir, I was not wearing my seatbelt!"

I still think he should have given me the ticket just on the stupidity principle

Another dumbass ticket I could NOT get out of was a running red light ticket. I was in a city where the cops are generally assholes and not known for their sense of humor. I was driving down one of the main roads taking my daughter to gymnastisics. On the side of the road, the cop had someone pulled over in a car. I looked to my right at them and laughed! (insert Nelson's voice here) "HA-HA!" (my voice again.. what? make up one in your head, for the love of God, just don't make me sound like Gilbert Gotfried) .."I can't believe they were dumb enough to get caught whatever they were doing in THIS city" No sooner did those words come tumbling from my piehole when I looked up just in time for me to see me going under the red light right above me. "SHIT!" I said, because I looked in my review mirror and saw the cop scrambling to his car. I was going to try to outrun him, but having just won the "mother of the year" award, I didn't think tat was a good idea, especially with my daughter in the car. So I pulled over in a parking lot up the street, had my license an registration hanging out the window (I've got the drill down, I don't know how I still have a license.)


Anyway, Mr. Po-Po waddles up to my car takes my stuff and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

I said, "Because I ran the red light in front of Tar-zhay."

He said, "Did you not see me there?"

I laughed and said, "Yeah I saw you, In fact I was laughing at the poor schlep you had pulled over and THAT'S why it happened" (damn Karma)

He grinned.

I said, "Please tell me you still gave them their ticket"

"Nope, I pulled them over because their tail light was out.. I hadn't even gotten their info when I saw you"


Nope.. there was NO getting out of that one. I am sure the cop had a blast talking to his buddies about the dumbass blond.

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