Thursday, April 23, 2009

Stupid is as stupid does


I have gotten out of some traffic tickets my in my time. Some, thanks to my flirting; some, thanks to my cute kids; while others... just because I am a dumb blond.

One time I got pulled over in a residential area for speeding. I was wearing my seatbelt. The officer comes up to the window where I already had my drivers license and registration hanging out of the window for him. He asked me if I knew why he had pulled me over. I said, "probably because I was speeding." He agreed with me and went to his car to run my plates.

He came back and told me my speeding ticket would be $140 dollars. I about shit. Then he says, "I am going to give you a seatbelt ticket." Me, with my seatbelt still on, gets pissed. I said "but, sir, I am wearing my seatbelt, I was wearing it when you pulled me over too. He says, "Ma'am, I am going to give you a $27 dollar seatbelt ticket" Me, being the dumbshit that I am, continued to argue. "But sir, I don't understand, you pulled me over for speeding AND you are giving me a seatbelt ticket when I am clearly wearing it?" He sighs, rolls his eyes and says.. "Ma'am, I DID pull you over for speeding, which is a pretty big fine of $140, but you were clearly NOT wearing your seatbelt, so I am giving you a $27 dollar speeding ticket, which would you rather?" So the light FINALLY clicks on, I quickly rip my seatbelt off, and said "You are absolutely right sir, I was not wearing my seatbelt!"

I still think he should have given me the ticket just on the stupidity principle

Another dumbass ticket I could NOT get out of was a running red light ticket. I was in a city where the cops are generally assholes and not known for their sense of humor. I was driving down one of the main roads taking my daughter to gymnastisics. On the side of the road, the cop had someone pulled over in a car. I looked to my right at them and laughed! (insert Nelson's voice here) "HA-HA!" (my voice again.. what? make up one in your head, for the love of God, just don't make me sound like Gilbert Gotfried) .."I can't believe they were dumb enough to get caught whatever they were doing in THIS city" No sooner did those words come tumbling from my piehole when I looked up just in time for me to see me going under the red light right above me. "SHIT!" I said, because I looked in my review mirror and saw the cop scrambling to his car. I was going to try to outrun him, but having just won the "mother of the year" award, I didn't think tat was a good idea, especially with my daughter in the car. So I pulled over in a parking lot up the street, had my license an registration hanging out the window (I've got the drill down, I don't know how I still have a license.)


Anyway, Mr. Po-Po waddles up to my car takes my stuff and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

I said, "Because I ran the red light in front of Tar-zhay."

He said, "Did you not see me there?"

I laughed and said, "Yeah I saw you, In fact I was laughing at the poor schlep you had pulled over and THAT'S why it happened" (damn Karma)

He grinned.

I said, "Please tell me you still gave them their ticket"

"Nope, I pulled them over because their tail light was out.. I hadn't even gotten their info when I saw you"


Nope.. there was NO getting out of that one. I am sure the cop had a blast talking to his buddies about the dumbass blond.

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36 comments:

darsden said...

Oh, my that is an expensive hobby for fun...very entertaining though :-)

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Jo said...

I got a ticket for "running" a red light, which was clearly YELLOW. I wanted to say to the cop "if it was red, there would have been cars going in the both directions and I would have caused a wreck." I didn't and just paid the fine.

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Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Sucks that your no-no outbid the broken taillight...

I have a good speeding story too. Gotta love the police who give you a break, eh?

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Marissa said...

Doh! Did you at least discreetly try the old flashing the D-cups trick? With the little shimmy action and licking of the lips?

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ReformingGeek said...

We are constantly looking for blog fodder but you, my dear, are cop fodder! You should be pleased that you provided them with a source of entertainment.

How funny.

Douglas said...

That is bullshit. I've got a full C cup and I have NEVER gotten out of a ticket.

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Shawn said...

My first (of many) tickets came from running one of those flashing red lights. I had no idea what it meant! Drive slowly through? Stop and go? Anyway, yeah, I made sure to learn after that.

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dizz said...

YEAH.. very expensive.. I've learned to wear low cut tops after that

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

I've evne tried to argue that the light was orange.. they don't fall fort hat shit either

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

I KNOW right? He could at least called for back up made them stay put until he got done with me..

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

I DO have D-cups.. however, I was in my sloppies.. you know sweat pants t-shirt

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

I always try to keep my sense of humor and laugh at ... uh ... with them just to give them something to talk about later

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

uhhhhh I don't think your penile cup size matters ;)

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

Somehow.. I can see you alternately hitting the brake gas brake gas until you got past it.. but what if the last thing you saw was the red.. would you know to keep going?

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

blognut said...

No comment.

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Guest said...

Ha ha! (Nelson voice)

As if I never got a ticket. Or got busted for a hit and run. *Alleged* hit and run, that is...

Rachel said...

Dammit. That was me.

Quirkyloon said...

Oh Dizzie, you are correct madam....damn karma!

hee hee

HowToSpotACanadian said...

Whenever I hear about people getting out of traffic tickets I wonder how they do it.

The last time I got a speeding ticket was on the highway. The cop put his flashers on and I pulled over. Unfortunately this highway has no shoulder.

He told me it was dangerous to pull over on a highway with no shoulder and gave me an additional ticket for "Failure to stop safely."

When I said that I didn't realise I shouldn't have pulled over when he asked me to (!?) he said "That's the problem with this province. It's too easy to get a drivers license" and left.

Maybe it's because I'm a guy.

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Guest said...

What a drag about you getting the ticket and the other guy didn't!

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Chica said...

That is hilarious! Cops can be ignorant sometimes, good for you for makin it funny. :D

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dizz said...

lol! Is that the same thing as to post or not post?

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

Ut oh.. See.. I've never done that

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

Sigh... karma bites

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

What an asshole! I can't believe what jerks people can be

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

I know it.. pissed me off!

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

dizz said...

yep.. I figure it is better than being chased stop sticked.. tazed and drug out of my car!

Recent blog post: Stupid is as stupid does

MadMadMargo said...

Believe it or not, I've never had a ticket of any kind in my entire life. Not that I haven't been pulled over, I've just never got ticketed. Yea me!!!

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dizz said...

You must have very big.....

smile.. or tits.. or maybe you are a Jedi "You do not need to give me a ticket"

AD said...

Ahhh, I remember that day all too clearly. It still makes me giggle.
:)

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dizz said...

yeah.. me too those were the good ole days

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Bee said...

You are so lucky! The times I have gotten pulled over I've been speeding so bad that they barely catch up with me. Maybe I should become a blond. ;o)

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Slyde said...

wow, that was a nice cop. usually when i get pulled over, i get tazzed and have a nightstick shoved up my butt..

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chele said...

this cracked me up, I proably would have done the same with the seatbealt thing getting all confused

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Budi said...

Hahaha, the part at seatbelt thing is very hillarious. Make me smiling all day. Thanks

Btw, I bookmarked your blog. Nice post.

Regards,
Budi
say hi from Indonesia

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Riff Dog said...

Ha! I knew that seatbelt law would eventually be good for something!

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