I will write this book someday. I have wanted to write it ever since I got married almost 18 years ago. Egads.. I've been married 1/2 of my life already.
The book's premise being that some women, especially newlyweds, don't know why their men aren't home in "an hour" when an hour ago they said they'd be home in an hour. This book will explain men-to-women time, for example to men when they say "I'll be home in an hour" that 1 hour = 2.5 hours "a bit" = 4 hours - but to a women, when a man says "1 hour", it means 45 minutes. It will reveal why they HAVE to do retarded stuff with their male friends; the simple things women can do to make their men happy without compromising the Alpha Bitch Quality the men have come to fear and WITHOUT showing boobs and serving beer. WHAT? It can TOO be done. (Men stop laughing) and how to talk to them simply so the caveman lingering just at the surface will understand. I will include my rules, and why the mens' "reasoning" for why they do things is wrong. There will also be a list of open-ended questions NOT to ask; like "does this dress make me look fat?" As well as the alternative question, so that BOTH parties are pleased.... "does this dress make your dick hard?". It will also explain why men blame things on you when it was clearly their fault. (All right, so it didn't explain why, it was just another cheap ploy to get you to look at an older post did it work? No? Bite me)
All of this and much more will be included. When/if I ever write it, I will let you all know.
please vote for me
34 comments:
I did learn the hard way about asking the "do I look fat" question. And he learned the hard way about how to answer.
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probably in the form on your mood ring imprint on his forehead?
Looking forward to this book!
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I'd like a signed first-edition, please.
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Hmm...that time thing works both ways. Except for women, it's how long they say it will take to get ready to go somewhere. "Half hour? Great." An hour later...
YAY! My first customer
Ut-oh... looks like I might actually have to write it!
You got it! Crap.. I'm gonna have to get writing!
I'll be with you in a minute! I got to get ready for work ;)
I forgot what I was going to say...
Men. Can't live with them can't ask them to support your 25 year old lover.
HA! Thats a GOOD one!
OMG Please put me at the top of the list of people to notify when that book is published. I'll buy a gazillion copies. Wait - forget that. Let me know if you need a contributor.
Busted!
Waiting. Still waiting. *fingers tapping*
Sigh.
Sounds like this book has promise, but ahem, where is the post?
Mm-hhh.
I see how you are!
Bahahahaha
you lost me dearest quirky
You have it totally backwards... its WOMEN who cant stick to a damn timetable!
psh.. whatever! You guys only get it right when talking to other guys about board games and stuff ;)
I'll take a copy. Guess you'd better get busy.
The publicist has been married for more than half her life and has given up on the male person. He has forgotten her birthday for the last three years in a row. Today is his birthday - she is going to forget and see if he notices....
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Just please, please don't provide any dick measuring charts to show women our actual sizes. I have my wife convinced that our ruler is actually a yardstick.
As the acknowledged expert in all things male, I could tell you all about the time space continuum, but you can't handle the truth.
Let me know when your book is out, so I can then issue a corrected version for men to read.
wow! I didn't know this would be so popular.. I just might need some help
Yes ma'am! I had no idea there was such a demand!
HAHA! Ultimate revenge!!
I dunno douglas... I've been lied to all my life about that one.. You just gave me an idea for another chapter!! I might give you credit!
HMMMMMMMM a counter version of my book? I have a suggestion for a title.. "Women Know it All, so Why am I Still Talking?" Love ya! mean it! *grin*
Will you explain in your book why men STILL fart and fluff the covers and do the dutch oven trick?...Oh wait...let's me, nevermind....LOL; great site girl!!
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A) I voted. B) your book is anthropological in nature. I see that you have been living amongst one of their species for quite some time now. Me? Not for over four years and I don't always miss it that is for sure
Do let me know when that book comes out!
hahaha you really have the timing down pretty good. 15 minutes usually means an hour
You do that too?? I thought I was the only chick that did that! Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you for your vote. I appreciate it!! LMAO @ anthropological... that's great. Men.. you can't live with em and you can only fit one in the trunk
I'm thinking I'm gonna have to write it sooner than I expected. If I can control my ADD long enough and not write 6 books at the same time.. I will let you know!
Yeah.. I've been studying the male species for quite some time!
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