Friday, January 23, 2009

Now That we're married

This is a post from when I first started here.. I am running late and I am brain dead... enjoy:

here's a few simple rules for the man to obey.
One of my girlfriends got married over the weekend. She was joking about laying down the new rules for him after she I mean married him.
So these are the rules I made up for her to post for him:
1. When I want to go shopping, just shut up and give me your wallet.
2 When I want to bitch and complain, you must truly listen to me and give me great advice.
3. When you want to go out with the guys, you must check with me and get permission first.
4. When I want to have sex, you must comply. When you want it, you better hope I am in the mood.
5. Give me your paycheck and shut up. I will handle everything.
6. During your "mid-life crisis" you can not have an affair. I will buy you a car from one of the many secret bank accounts that I have opened (See Rule 5)
7. I don't care if the is a football game on, you WILL help me do housework or whatever I ask when I ask it.
8. Foreplay is more than a quick squeeze of my ass and nipples.. MAKE IT GOOD!
9. (To quote Shainia Twain) If I burn dinner, you better say "mmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmm I like it like that"
10. When I want to go out with my girlfriends, it is your duty to take care of the kids. Yes this means canceling your plans because you did not ask (See rule 3)
11. When you snore I have the right to kick you repeatedly until you stop and tell you about it in the morning. IF I snore you will move to the couch and never speak of it.
12. When I get so drunk that I am throwing up, you will hold my hair and tell me that it will be ok. When you get throwing up drunk, I reserve the right to make fun of you and call you a dumbass.
13.If you want to do something you think is a good idea.. Do not assume ANYTHING! If I have not laid down a rule about it and you have a question.. you better ask me! ©Dizzblnd 2008

Men.. no whining.. just read.. nod your head and slink back to your man caves.


Remo said...

Great list. I'll print this one out and give it to my son if he ever announces he intends to marry.

Hump 'em & dump 'em.

Just say NO to marriage.

dizzblnd said...

LMAO Remo! Love it Hump and dump

Under the Influence said...

These are good.....

Ann's Rants said...

Great post, Dizz!

Anonymous said...

*lol* Makes me glad to be of the right gender...female! ha ha!

"Annie" said...

Laughing....I love them all...especially number 6 telling him he can refer back to number five...

I remember my ex. telling me if I walked out the door to go out with my friends, he was going to call the police and tell them that I abandoned my son.

I said, Oh really? Well, be sure to tell them you're his father, o.k.?

Men really are morons sometimes...

Thanks for a great laugh~ :))


P.S. Tell your friend congratulations~

Poetry Sue said...

LMAO. these are too good. I think your giving away all of our secret rules. How will we be able to pout if men a break a rule they don't know about, if they already know about it! now we can't use the "Well if you don't know I'm not telling you" line.

Da Old Man said...


Anonymous said...

DAMN! I wish I'd written that first. Now I'll have to wait an appropriate amount of time and do one "of my own". (I don't play that way) When and if the time comes, you'll still get a link.

MY rule includes that "during all televised games or races, I get my naked feet rubbed AND RUBBED CORRECTLY". I sometimes pray for a weekend of back to back football games.

And he's learned not to fall asleep while my feet are in his LAP....just sayin

Anonymous said...

FYI. That "nice" (I thought) post I had this morning? KathiD came back and took offense. *sigh*

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

Right on with being brain dead because that was worth reading!! Love it! You should make it into a little book for quirky wedding shower gifts - you know?


Lyndsay said...

Outstanding. I wish it weren't too late to work these into the pre-nup ...

dizzblnd said...

Kim, Ann.. Thank you I am glad you enjoyed it

Twisted.. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting .. It's GREAT to be a woman.. except when it's not.

Annie Your ex is a great example of "not the brightest crayon in the box"
You're welcome for the memories and for the laugh

Sue.. I never thought about it like that.. besides we are women, we can ALWAYS find something to wine about

Old man... Interesting good or interesting bad?

Dana A strategically placed foot can work wonders! Don't worry about that person.. she is obviously very opinionated and thinks she can convince every she is right

Lee: Thanks for the mini-book idea! I doubt if it will ever get written though.. I am to scatterbrai oh look a kitty

Lyndsay... come-on.. you don't really think he actually READ the pre-nup do you? Sneak it in!

RaBT said...

Oh #12 how you've mocked me the last time! ;) Good list!

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