Sunday, April 18, 2010

Revelations ... no not of biblical proportions

I got my birth certificate in the mail last week and was horrified to learn I was NOT adopted. I also learned that I was not born, but dispensed like a Pez candy. Not in a hospital, but in a Naval Weapons Center. Yes.. I can hear you all! It does explain EVERYTHING you all have come to learn about me doesn't it? Seriously, on my birth certificate, it says "Place of Birth.. Dispensary", like I was a developed weapon or some shit. "Street address.. Naval Weapons Center. " Which happens to be in the middle of a desert on California. Growing up, I used to tell my friends that I was born in the middle of the Sahara Desert. Because that was the only named desert I knew.

Why am I just now getting my birth certificate? My mom says she gave me my birth certificate when I go married, but I don't remember, and I don't have it so I was just hoping against hope that I was indeed adopted. The problem with that theory is that I am too much like both of them not to be adopted. Now I am assuming it was my brother who was adopted, because he's not like any of us. I haven't seen his birth certificate though.

Anyway, I was a dumbass at let my drivers license expire. I got online to renew it and guess what? You got it! It wasn't that easy. Due to the new Homeland Security laws put in place, you need so much more. In Florida, you need birth certificate, marriage license (if your last name changed), social security card (or a tax document showing SS number) 2 proofs of residence (state issued ID's wont work) you need a utility or mortgage bill, car or voters registration, bank statement etc.) I also didn't have (because I never ordered it) my marriage license. Luckily, you can order these documents on-line, no matter what state you are in now, or in what state the event happened. Mine all came within a week of ordering them a day BEFORE my appointment. THAT, my friends is a miracle all in itself. I NEVER have that kind of luck. Before all of this happened, I was thinking about legally changing my name to 'Murphy Murphy Murphy' just to accommodate the law my life has been living. When I saw the paperwork required just to renew my license though, I quickly changed my mind.

When I got to the DMV there was a long line ahead of me...SURPRISE! But I had an appointment. The 9 people in front of me, didn't have all the required documents they needed. apparently they were dumbassses too Then yell at the girl behind the counter. Lucky for her, I did all of my homework and came with all the right stuff. To watch her face when I gave her the blood, urine and stool samples was priceless.

PS Go check out my daughters blog. She picked a helluva a topic to make her blog-comeback


Trukindog said...

But whats gonna happen when all those samples come back possitive for Prozac AND Riddalin ?

dizzblnd said...

@trukindog.. with any luck... they'll commit me! Thanks for droppin by ;)

Under the Influence said...

Remind me NEVER to let my license expire. I have all these things - somewhere. It's the "somewhere" that scares me.

dizzblnd said...

Jo.. LOL I know what you mean! Tell me when it is due to expire and I will do my best to remind you.. But you have to remind me to remind you otherwise I will never remember

SkylersDad said...

I had a torn copy of my original birth certificate that wasn't good enough when I needed it to go into the Navy. So I had to drive down to Denver and wait in a line at a federal building all freaking day. Those days before the internet sucked.

ReformingGeek said...

I was waiting for the sacrifice of the virgin before you could even make the appointment.


J.J. said...

I'm not a bit surprised because CA gives you the run-around too.

I went in 2 weeks before my b-day BUT I arrived in a wheelchair. No biggie for me but they freaked out. Apparently, I was supposed to tell them when my condition got "worse". Well, no one told me!

I had to go to 'headquarters' to explain why I never told them of the change, then I had to get letters from my Drs. saying, "Yes, she can drive" (which I HAD been doing for 15 years), then I had to get an eye exam (what that has to do with my disability I have NO clue), THEN I had to take a driving test (I guess having a clean driving record doesn't matter when you're in a wheelchair). Believe me, I asked a LOT of people whether I could sue under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). I couldn't.

I finally got my license in mid-October.

J.J. said...

Oops! I forgot to mention that my birthday is in July. lol!

blognut said...

Welcome back!

You lost me at not being able to use a state-issued ID to obtain a state-issued driver's license. WTF?

dizzblnd said...

Chris, what a pain in the arse! I don't know how we survived before the internet existed!

Reffie.. I was SURE that was the next requirement too.. maybe next year.

JJ Holy crap! It's a shame people get treated differently just because whatever situation they might have interferes with the current operation. I am sorry you had to go through all that! STUPID DMV!

Well.. the premise is.. your info could have changed since the last time you had it done.. so they want to see something current OTHER than that.

And thank you

Anonymous said...

I tried to told you you weren't adopted but you didn't believe me. Your Aunt Roz thought she was adopted 1 time and I tried to make her feel better by telling her NO ONE would adopt her. She didn't seem to be too comforted by that. LOL

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