Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Just answer the F%$&^ing question! Please? Long rant


This is one of my first posts. I did not feel very well last night, so you all are stuck with a rerun. Only 2 of you (you know who you are) commented the first time, so for everyone else, it's new to you. Enjoy, and sorry it's so long, (well it wouldn't be so long, but I was a kind soul and spaced it nicely to make it easier to read) OK I'll quit babbling now so you can read.

Most of you know I work as a customer service rep. If you didn't BOOM you are caught up! That was easy. It is an inbound call center where someone would call for a free service before they dig to have utility lines marked with the paint and flags you see all over the place (We do not do the markings, the utility companies do, the call centers like this one across the country simply notify the utility companies so you don't have to make 27 calls to all of them yourself, please do not call one of these centers and bitch at the reps for digging in your yard or putting the flags and paint on your bushes and sidewalk; we didn't do it)

We have asked the same questions everyday for the last 9 years that I have worked there. Yet, there are contractors who call every day and rarely have the info ready that we ask.

After we verify the company info we have on file for that company, we ask questions so the utilities know what they need to know before they send out their people to mark. A lot of the questions consist of yes or no, or otherwise direct questions that shouldn't be aren't too hard to answer. The questions follow a form that we are required to fill out. I will give you the questions and some of the typical "answers" that sometimes tell us nothing.
My conversations (as well as some other reps') go something like this:

ME: What type of work will you be doing?

Customer: Excavation (really? Imagine that! Calling in to a call before you dig center and you are going to be digging?)

ME: Riiiiiight! But why?

Customer: OH! Utilities

ME: Installing, removing, repairing? Power cable, phone, water, sewer, drainage? (WORK WITH ME!)

Customer: We're installing Sewer (I hope the rest of the call won't be like this)

ME: How deep will you be digging at the deepest? (See? Direct question.. psh whatever)

Customer: Not very deep at all

ME: OK I will put "unknown"

Customer: Oh! I will only be going down about 8ft (hmmmmm that's pretty deep if you ask me, but what do I know? (Don't answer that you smartass stalkers of mine)

ME: Will you be using a machine to do the digging? ("Will you" indicates an yes or a no answer, right?? I used to think so too)

Customer: We will be using a trencher (that can be hand held or a machine powered tool)

Me: Is that a YES or NO? (you know, because my crystal ball is in the shop and all)

Customer: OH that's a NO it's one of those walk behinds ("no" is the answer I was looking for)

ME: Have you marked the area that you want to dig in the color white? (see how simple these questions are?)

Customer: The crew is on site (WTF?? That doesn't tell me anything)

ME: Did the crew mark the area in the color WHITE? (louder this time to break the idiot shield)

Customer: Yes it's all marked out in orange (sigh .... what a dumbass)

ME: OK I will put no because orange is not white (me.. making a noose out of my phone cord)

Customer: Oh you need it marked in white? (can you put someone more intelligent on the phone please)

ME: It's just a question the utilities want answered that's all.

Customer: The crew is there they can show them (Did I ask that question? NOPE)

(Finally.. on to the next question)

ME: How long will the digging take? (another seemingly easy question)

Customer: How ever long it takes us to get the job done (are you beginning to think he was dropped on his head one to many times? I know I am.)

ME: OK, I will put "unknown"

Customer: Oh you mean like how long? (did I stutter?)

ME: Yes.. how long? an hour, a day, a month, a year, 5 years HOW LONG!?!

Customer: Only about 4 hours (see that wasn't so hard)

Then there are a few more questions that bear some explaining, so I'll skip those.

ME: In what county is the work taking place?

Customer: What country? (Remember these idiots call here almost EVERY day)

ME: C O U N T Y county

Customer: OH I'm sorry, Orlando

ME: Thank you for the C I T Y city, but what I asked for was the COUNTY

Customer: I don't know what county it's in (THEN WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?)

ME: It's Orange county

Customer: Thank you

ME: Whatever dipshit My pleasure


ME: What's the address to which you'll be digging please (so simple)

Customer: You mean for this job I am calling about now?

ME:
No.. I am asking for the address of the job you were digging at three years ago that has nothing to do with this call! What other address would I be asking for? Yes (because at this point I just want to call him a F*#$ing MORON!)

Customer: It's on Williams St (like that helps)

ME: OK and is there an address?

Customer: Well let me read what I have written down (shouldn't you have done all this BEFORE you called here?) It says please mark the entire property at 1234 Williams street. (that would be the address, tardcart)

If there is an address, we ask for the closest intersection..

ME: What street touches or crosses (in other words intersects) Williams St closest to the address?

Customer: There isn't one (OK so after you parachute down, how do you get there?)

ME: It has to come off of something somewhere!

Customer: Well, you get off at exit 42 go about 3 miles and turn left next to the red barn then you go about 2 more miles and turn right on Smith Rd and its on the corner of Smith Rd and Williams St (did I ask for the bloody driving directions?? NO!)

ME: OK.. so isn't Smith Rd the street the touches, crosses or intersects closest to the property on Williams St seeing as how it is a corner property?

Customer: Well yes ma'am I guess it is, I just didn't know that's what you were asking for. (Riiiiiiiiight, because I switched from speaking English -which is BTW the only language I know-to speaking Greek right in the middle of my questions)

FINALLY, I get to the last and again very simple question.


ME: What part of this property will you be digging (~~~crosses fingers~~~.. please please please get this one without an explanation)

Customer: What do you mean "what part" (OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?)

ME: The front, the rear, the sides, entire, north, east, south, west, WHAT PART?

Customer: The front and the back (you would think)

ME: (because I know better) Not the sides?

Customer: Well yes the sides too (see?)

ME: So you want the entire property marked then is that correct (because entire means everything not just the front and the back .. AND its only two syllables, therefore wasting less of my time and breath because I have to read all this shit back to him)

Customer: (Beginning to understand what an idjit he really is) Yes ma'am, I guess that's correct. (you GUESS??? EITHER IT IS CORRECT OR IT'S NOT!!)


Now.. this whole process normally takes about 3 minutes tops.. assuming the streets are on our maps and the customer (who calls everyday, sometimes 50 jobs in one call) knows what the frack they are doing. But because this and many other people can't answer direct questions, the process will take 6-10 minutes.

So please people, I beg you on the behalf of all the call center reps out there, give a direct answer to a direct questions. We really don't care about any specifics that we don't ask you. Just answer the fucking question and move on.

Thank you for calling and may the fleas of a thousand cats infest your house
have a nice day

26 comments:

Beth said...

I think that guy has children at my school!

dizzblnd said...

Beth: Somehow, that does not surprise me.. probably the father of the kid who threw a fit and he sent mommy up to save him

Under the Influence said...

I love reading your call center stories! They crack me up and I wonder if an customer service reps are out there blogging about me. THAT could be scary...

dizzblnd said...

JO: Thank you! I wondered if anyone like reading the crap I post about my job. At least I know I have 1 fan.

Rachel said...

LOL Loved the rerun!

And I bet you never get the least bit snarky, huh? ;)

dizzblnd said...

Rachel.. :O who me? noooooooooooooooooooo never!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Feel better soon!!

I've got the sickness my kids have now...bury me, please.

Shawn said...

Hope you're feeling better.

I used to work at an auto paint store, and the conversations I used to have with customers who came in wanting "red paint" often went in this same frustrating way.

SkylersDad said...

I love your stories, thanks for posting them for us all to laugh at!

Slyde said...

i had no idea that was YOU on the phone...

next time i'll try to do better... sorry.

blognut said...

That is absolutely hysterical!

Me-Me King said...

Working with the public is definitely trying. You ask a simple question, you expect a simple answer. I loved the crystal ball response. Wish I would have thought of that when I used to ask people, "What is your full name?"

Poetry Sue said...

ROTFLMAO oh man... your Customer Service posts take me back to the days when I had to deal with BUSINESS owners who were like this.. My favorite was asking them for their telephone number to their business and they couldn't tell you... OMG I am soooo glad I don't do that anymore... you have sympathies girlfirend

dizzblnd said...

Mary.. Thanks I am feeling a lot better today.. smack your kids for giving you the creepin crud!

Shawn.. I am much better thank you. I just don't see why people have to make things more complicated.

Chris: Thank you. My goal in life is to make people laugh ;)

Slyde.. LMAO at you if there was a "BEST RESPONSE" I'd give it to yu. You kill me

Blognut: Thanks.. I think tomorrow I will post a funny conversation I had today

Margo: That bugs me too.. "what is your name?" "Bob" you wait for the last name.. it never comes. Grrrrrrrrrrr

ReformingGeek said...

And he works out at my gym!

dizzblnd said...

Sue: I have a funnier (non-rant) shorter story to tell for tomorrow

Isn't being a CSR so much "fun?" Meh it pays the bills... sometimes

dizzblnd said...

RG Happy belated b-day! I had it as a pop up reminder I hope it was a great one!

Mike said...

I deal with those types too.

They usually have a mustache, giant ass and a huge beer gut.

Sometimes a mullet.

Yea, I get to actually see them. And smell them. It's not pretty.

dizzblnd said...

Lol Mike... I am sooooooo happy it is not smellophone

Da Old Man said...

Feel better, soon.

I used to do Customer Service inbound calls, so I know how much fun that can be.

Bee said...

Lucky for you, I dig all my holes at night when nobody is watching so I leave no traces when I dump the bodies.

dizzblnd said...

Joe: Thanks I do feel better.

Bee: Don't worry.. I won't testify against you

Lana said...

I have a few years of being a "TSR" and tech support. AHHHHHHH!!!!! These people made me want to stab myself in the head with a fork. I feel your pain my dear. I feel your pain.

The Queen said...

Girlfriend,, today I would have bet everything I own.. everything I ever hope to own.. and everything the good lord created.. that no one could make me laugh...

OK I will put no because orange is not white

I would have lost it all.. I laughed so hard I fell off my chair..

I'm going to sue you tomorrow.. but tonight i laughed..thank you for that..

dizzblnd said...

Lana: YES! That is how I feel on a daily basis!

Queen: WOW, I know what you are going through, so to make you laugh makes me very happy I'm glad I had some medicine for you

Riff Dog said...

Ha! That's really funny. I did my share of construction during summers when I was in college and indeed, some of these guys are absolute morons.

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