Wednesday, February 18, 2009

How do you NOT no you have to go (warning bathroom humor)

As I was sitting on the throne this morning trying to get some inspiration for a blog, I remember something that happened to me at work.

I had just come back from a Mexican restaurant where I had lunch.

I go to the restroom because I had to pee (or so I thought) so I go in the first stall.

I assume the position, (ladies, you know the one) then out of nowhere... you guessed it. BAM! Now.... if I HAD known I had to do THAT (again, how can you not know?) .. This is how i would have handled it:

I would go to the very last (poopie) stall as I call it. If there is lysol (or other spray) available I will spray the hell out of the area before I clear the log jam. Then I let it rip. During, I will give a courtesy flush, and another spray. After, I will spray again and flush however many times is necessary to remove all lingering evidence not flushed down the 1st 4 times. But if it looked anything like Mental Poo's I would have ran out screaming.

Then, I wash my hands and I make my escape. I open the door a crack, see if the coast is clear and run like hell. Watching my back to make sure no one saw me. Then I sneak out the back door, go around front and pretend like I went to get something out of my car.

But this time I didn't have any warning.. so I feel sorry for whomever walked in after me.

Afterwords, of course I had to find out if I was the only weird one that to have this happen. So I asked a friend (who went to lunch with me) if this has happened to her as well.. she told me, "yes, just yesterday" and she was here at work.

As luck would have it, as I was telling her how I would have gone to the "poopie stall", my boss walked up behind me just when I uttered those words. She turned around and went back into her office. I was so embarrassed, I said "Oh my God, I can't believe I said 'poopie stall' and my boss heard me."

You guessed it, the 2nd time I said it, she was behind me A-gain, this time she shook her head as she walked back to her office... I am just glad she knows my sense of humor.


Chele said...

man I hate poopin in public, its not the poop that bothers me, its the fart that comes before that I try to silence...and you wait forever till you think the coast is clear before letting ou the fart

Mike said...

I don't understand why this is a big deal. It's a bathroom!

That's where you let it rip!

I mean, if you pooped in the garbage can beside your desk I would understand the need to be discrete but come on!


dizzblnd said...

Chele: although it is natural.. who wants to hear us making weird noises and smells?

Spaz: yeaaaaaaaaaah but ya know women are just a tad bit more sensative I guess ;)

Under the Influence said...

When I was working, I used to go to the "guest" bathroom in our office. It was off the front lobby in the waiting area where next to another office/conference room. I guess maybe that was the sign to the receptionist something big was happening because my boss, the president, did the same thing. Either that or the receptionist thought the pres. and I were making drug drops/exchanges in the bathroom trash can.

ReformingGeek said...

Yeah. We women are sensitive about pooping and disposing of unused Mexican food with all that gas can bit noisy and stinky. On the other hand, it's the bathroom, not a rose garden.

Courtesy flushes are appreciated though!

SkylersDad said...

When I am in a public restroom, I try and get my farts to sound like a little tune.

What can I say, I was born an entertainer.

moooooog35 said...

Poopie stall?

Hell. Sometimes I poo in the urinals just because it's more of a challenge.

I'm shunned at the workplace.

Anonymous said...

I was at the luxury store known as Walmart in my area and the lady/gorilla in the next booth was grunting and groaning and, at first, I thought "If she says 'help me'! I ain't going". But after several plops, then more groaning and grunting, I HAD to hang around just to see what was going to walk out of that stall. Luckily we weren't at a restaurant because she ended up being our cashier.

Ann's Rants said...

For me its always when I'm card shopping...WTF?!?

Mary Moore said...

HAHA!! Twice in a row! That's good.

Lyndsay said...

Someone bought some dollar-store-esque Lysol for our work bathroom. You leavev there smelling like a scented tampon.

Sabrae Carter said...

LOL!!!! That is all I can say LOL!!!

HumorSmith said...

Well, now that I know what you women do to cover up the aroma and not offend, I finally understand the long lines outside the ladies' room.

dizzblnd said...

Jo: well with your background in the pharmaceuticals, I wouldn't doubt it ;)

RG: Well USUALLY I smell like roses.. not so much after Mexican food

WYD: Somehow, I can hear "Yankee Doodle" in my head

Moog.. I can imagine.. especially if you just had that red pork blech

Dana: That's pretty gross.. I think I'd switched lines

Ann: I received a Valentines day card one year that said"I wanted to find you the best card, but someone farted and this is the one I had so I ran.." Was that card inspired by you?

Mary.. I was almost embarrassed

Lyndsay: I hate the cheap crap

Sabrae.. I love making you laugh

HS.. I never thought of it before.. but YES you have it nailed!

Poetry Sue said...

ah man... I love a good poop blog.. nothing makes me giggle harder than other people's shit... LMAO

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