Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Full Moons on Moandays can kiss my ass (Long rant warning)


If you wake up feeling stupid on any given day.. PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME! As a customer service rep either myself or my co-workers have talked to EVERY stupid person in the world.


If you do insist on calling me PLEASE listen to the words that come out of my mouth. Answer accordingly.
If I ask you a yes or no question.. answer YES or NO. There is no reason to tell me why the answer is yes or no.
You idiots gave me the biggest headache yesterday.

Do not cut me off or talk over me when I am explaining the shit that you don't understand. If you would just LISTEN you will find out all you need to know.

PLEASE crawl back under whatever rock from which you came and call me only after you have eaten some fish (you know for brain power)

What am I bitching about you ask?

Yesterday was the full moon. It was also Moanday for those of you calendarlly (yes its a word I just made up) challenged or living in a cave.

The combination of the 2 made for a pissy day. All of the stupid people called our call center yesterday. Mostly dumbass homeowners. Now don't get me wrong. I know homeowners don't have the faintest fucking idea why they should have to call before they dig. You would think the fear of blowing themselves up or getting eletromacuted or knocking the whole damn neighborhood off-line would be reason enough to call. But THEY get pissy and agitated when they call us for this FREE yes I said free service. We have specific info that we have to ask regardless of whether you are a clueless homeowner, a dumbfuck contractor that never has this shit together no matter how many times they call, o or a utility owner that is doing their own digging, or if it happens to be a very intelligent dog that needs to bury his bone, SAME FUCKING QUESTIONS EVERYDAY!

I am usually patient with the homeowners, they have never called us, they know not what to expect. But after being barraged with ALL stupid homeowners yesterday, mix all that with the contractors that don't know the difference between their assholes and their elbows, I was ready to go Sunshine on someone's ass (Sunshine is part of the name of the company I work for, living in the Sunshine State and all)

So here is a sampling of the stupidity I had to deal with yesterday morning. (and most other days)

Me: Can I have your area code and phone number please.

Male Caller: What do you need THAT for?

Me: It's info that the utilities require us to ask everyone who calls us.

Male Caller: 55123

Me: I need your area code and phone number please.

Male Caller: That IS my area code.

Me: No, that is your zip code I need your area code and phone number please

Male Caller: OH sorry area code is 239 (then silence)

Me: (silence as I wait for the phone number)

Male Caller: Hello?

Me: I'm here I am waiting on your phone number.

Male Caller: Do you want my phone number?

Me: No I want your cousin Joe's number in NY so I can call him and put a hit out on your stupid ass Yes please

Male Caller: Do you want my cell phone or home number?

Me: I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK! YOU CAN GIVE ME THE POPE'S NUMBER FOR ALL I CARE Home number is fine

Male Caller: 239-555-1212

Me: What is your name please

Male Caller: Jennifer

Me: I'm sorry, your name is Jennifer?

Male Caller: No that's my wife name, that's who owns the phone service. (Don't you people listen to the fucking recordings telling you who we are?)

Me: I need YOUR name please

Male Caller: Bob B-O-B (then Silence)

Me: silence as I wait for his last name (really people, when do you call any business and only give your first name?)

Male Caller: Hello?

Me: I'm here, I am waiting for your last name.

Male caller: Smith that's S-M-I-T-H

(The harder words.. they
leave for me to guess at the spelling)


Then I get other info and get to his address:

Me: Your address please?

Male Caller: 123 Pine St .. that's P I N E

Me: Yes douchebag, I do know how to spell SOME words.


Me: Sigh Thank you ... and what is the intersecting street closest to where you reside?

Caller: Caloosahatchiwatchie St and can you tell them my house has a
red roof, I don't want them to miss it. Please, no paint, only flags. There is a white picket fence in front they can't miss it.

Me: OK.. back up I can spell PINE.. but a need a tad bit of help
spelling Caloosahatchiwatchie

Caller: Oh I'm sorry.. hold on I've lived here 15 years and I still get
it wrong

ME: Putting caller on mute and making a noose of my phone cord (saying to no one in particular "YEAH
but you expect ME to wing it")

I BEG you, give the person on the other end of the
phone the benefit of the doubt. Only spell things if they ask you .
Otherwise, chances are they have words like Smith, Log, and Willow
pretty much figured.

I sound like a bitch? Yeah.. well I'll try being nicer when they start being smarter

23 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

you should have been in KINDERGARTEN for God's sake. They are INSANE...

dizzblnd said...

OH I am sure of that.. they are probably like kittens on catnip aka kitty crack! you have my sympathies

The Queen said...

Well thank you,,NOW I'M A BITCH, because I just blew hot coffee through my nose and all over my laptop while laughing. Thanks alot woman...

I used to work in CS for a company, I feel for ya sista...

THE QUEEN..

dizzblnd said...

anytime your highness. I hope you didn't burn your nostrils to badly

Ann's Rants said...

GREAT post, Dizz. Bet you didn't have to write it drunk, either. ;)

ReformingGeek said...

I think yesterday should have been a 3-martini lunch day.

YIKES!

dizzblnd said...

Thanks Ann no.. but it might have been phunnier if i wuzsh ;P

RG I sooooooooooooo could have used those as well mmmmmmmmmmmm martini

Under the Influence said...

It's very enlightening to hear from a CSR's point of view! I can't stand idiots.

What do you do when your street name - Pine Circle intersects with a street of the same name? Yes, that is my case and I don't want to sound like dumbshit on the phone! Do you give the next nearest intersection of Pine Circle and Field St.?

dizzblnd said...

Jo.. Depends on my mood and the idiot rank of my caller. Mostly I have learned to accept it.. sometimes it intersects with Pine cir n or pine circle e... other times I will insist of the road it comes directly off of. as long as you don't give me the major street 2 miles away that doesn't intersect!

Bee said...

Ahhhh how I don't miss being in customer service!

At my current job I only deal with insurance companies and attorneys. My boss has given me the green light to be mondo bitch when I encounter road blocks so I have that going for me. :o)

dizzblnd said...

Bee you are one lucky gal. If I was given the green light to be a bitch... I would be sooooooo much happier. Sigh

Chele said...

I have such respect for you not blowing up on them and being able to keep it in, it really is a hard skill. I dont think I would be able to yell at them but I would be the kind who would get so annoyed and hang up

SkylersDad said...

I know some people who live on Caloosahatchiwatchie. It's a trailer park...

dizzblnd said...

Cele.. believe me, If I could spew profanities at them I would.. unfortunately, I get fired.. I', lucy to have a job

Award winning WYD: Why does that not surprise me lol

Sabrae Carter said...

LMAO!!!! That is too funny... I could never last in a job like that!!

dizzblnd said...

It's not easy.. but I have a mute button and a great team leader so I bend her ear about the assholes I get

Poetry Sue said...

HOLY SMOKES! is it true then that every sutomer service job is the same? Shit you should try dealing with small business owners... its a wonder they ever get their license... or that they can find their own store in the morning... god forbid you ever have to give someone instructions on using a computer over the phone... I wouldn't wish that hell on my worst enemy.

Da Old Man said...

Thanks for bringing back CSR memories that I thought I had successfully repressed. Even worse, I used to work in a gas station on the northbound side of the road. I wish I had a dollar for everyone who required explicit directions to get to the southbound side.

Jen said...

I have a headache just reading about the dumbass. I hope tomorrow is better.

dani c said...

OMG I'd kill em or try my best to.

dizzblnd said...

Sue.. don't you worry your pretty little head... I ALSO teach people to use our system over the phone yeah fun... especially when they say "I'm not computer literate" greeeeeeeeeeeeat

Joe, Anytime I can help traumatize you, please let me know ;) LOL@ NB to SB directions

Jen, Sorry bout that.. why should I be the only one to suffer :P

Dani.. someday there will be "stranglephone"

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

This is the one time of year at work that I send sheets out for people to fill out. If they have any (dumb ass) questions, they CALL ME!!! There is no way I could do this for a living. I already want to strangle every person who calls me!

dizzblnd said...

We need to create the ID10T form

Just for people like this

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