Monday, December 15, 2008

Arachnophobia much?

My husband Don HATES spiders. Absolutely hates them like a fat girl hates dodgeball.
Me? Snakes, spiders, lizards, don't bother me. When I was growing up, my dad would always save them from my mom when they got in the house or anywhere near her. I helped him.

Enough about me..

His fear is not just your ordinary "Eek" fear. Its an exaggerated fear. Let me explain.

After we got married, we rented a house. I was with child and pregnant with our second.
One bright sunny afternoon, my husband comes running in from outside. "Where's my gun?"
The neighborhood we lived in wasn't really bad, but the surrounding areas were, so I was kinda freaked. Panicking, I asked, "What's wrong, should I call 911" "Don't go outside" he said with a crazed look in his eyes.

He had his gun and went back outside. After a few minutes, I didn't hear anything. I cautiously went outside. When I did, I nearly died laughing at the sight of him.
He had assumed the "freeze-or-I'll-blow-your-head-off cop shooting stance... at a spider. Yes a spider. It had made a web from the bushes to the front of his van. I shook my head, called him an idiot and told him he can't just shoot a spider, especially within city limits.

I grabbed the web with the length of my forearm and took it off of his van and wrapped it on the the bushes, all the while, he has the gun pointed at the spider ready to save me. Then made him go inside the house to think about what he had just done.

You think THAT'S bad.... sigh.. you are sadly mistaken.

Another time, in the same house, the was a spider in the ceiling in our room. I wanted to save it and throw it outside, where he could shoot it later. But he insisted on killing it. So, I left the room to find something so I could save it and he grabbed him his... can of Raid.

He sprayed it. It did not die. He sprayed it again, this thing seemed to have a bowl of Raid to drink out of daily, because it wouldn't die. So, Don decided to use his lighter to burn it. I think he singed it's leg, but still, would not die. Being the guy that he is, Don made a blowtorch out of the Raid and his lighter. Yeah, I'm so proud!

That got the spider off of the ceiling. When it fell on the nightstand, it was still crawling. Don torched it again.. I think this mutant spider came from the sun, cause it just wouldn't die. FINALLY, Don got smart and smashed it with a shoe.. but it was still twitching and stuck to the bottom of the shoe. I grabbed the shoe, took it outside and pounded it on the pavement to put it out of it's misery.

Since then, if he sees a spider in the house, he doesn't tell me about it, he just takes great delight in killing it. I will still save them when I can.


SkylersDad said...

I hate spiders also. Not Don gotta kill them with a gun style, but hate them none the less.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was a huge walking stick type of creature that fell out of a tree and landed on me in the Philippines. I almost knocked myself out beating it off of me!

Just a Blogger said...

Not positive, but I think that's the same spider I put in my google earth video on YouTube.

Slyde said...

wow, thats pretty bad.

im far from a fan of spiders, or bugs in general, but i have CLEARLY been designated as the bug-killer of the house...

KimandCo said...

I hate spiders, too, but not enough to BURN DOWN MY HOUSE! : )

SheBloggs said...

OMG!! Spiders!! Thats so funny! Your husband has an extreme fear of em', but I feel him.. I hate spiders tooo. ugh!

Being Brazen said...

I loathe spiders - they are ikky creatures

Anonymous said...

Great story! It's funny; just the other day I was saying that if I ever found a large spider, such as a tarantula, in my house I would buy a gun to shoot it with. I've always wondered why those damn spiders never seem to die the first time you attempt to kill them. I think the worst thing is when you try to kill a spider when it's indoors and somebody says, "Oh, don't kill it. It'll get rid of bugs." That just makes me want to slap people when they say stupid things like that. Nobody seems to agree with me on this one, but I believe that spiders are the work of the devil.

Remo said...

That's a lot of Man-fu but I'll give him credit:

He's found the perfect way to make sure YOU take care of all the bugs. He is a genius.

Chicks are soooo gullible...

dizzblnd said...

I never thought there were so man Aracnaphobes! I guess living in Florida all my life.. the creepy crawly things don't bother me.

I used to have pet snakes.

Vodka Mom said...

oh my GOd I am laughing my ass off (I wanted to throw it outside so he could shoot it later....)

That was hysterical. (I love bugs......)

dizzblnd said...

Thanks VM.. I was beginning to think I was the only freak!

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