The 1 thing Discovery Channel confirmed for me last night.

The male species is just plain DUMB
"You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel" Yeah... no.

My husband and I were watching a program about the wildlife in Yellowstone National Park. It was about surviving. Which means mating, which in turn leads to a male elk rolling around in it's own urine. I don't know about you ladies, but if my husband were ever to roll around in is own urine in hopes of getting laid, I would have him committed. BLECH.

Male elk, during mating season will make a god-awful sound to indicate 3 things. 1. They are horny. 2. To claim their harem. 3. To pick a fight with any potential challengers. I KNOW! Who the hell goes out looking for a fight?. Only males. They also engage in the act of rutting to the death. They try to overpower each other like sumo wrestlers and pierce one another's neck with their 50 pound racks. No not boobs. Antlers. I know I put the image of sumo wrestlers in your head so rack = boobs. But I meant antlers. Sometimes their antlers get hopelessly locked and the two enemies die together starving to death. Do you see how dumb they are?

Anyway, the winner, whether by killing the opponent or overpowering them get to screw all of the whorey little female elks in the harem. This assured the strong but not-so-smart genes get carried on for generations. The loser sulks off somewhere and pouts, not only defeated but blue balled as well. But what the animal species does not understand is that there is ALWAYS some female out there that was rejected, abandoned and desperate as well and the male could always score and screw her. Especially if he gets her drunk first. What? OHHHHHHHHH that part only works with homo-sapiens.
So this whole fighting to the death thing is stupid. Survival of the fittest? Maybe.. but what about intelligence?


Then there is the male bear. Right before they hibernate, the gluttonous slobs have to pack on 50 pounds a day. They go out looking for food. When it is scarce, they head for the mountains where they can feed on the millions of moths that migrate there for the winter. If the male bear sees some cubs with mama bear. He will try to eat the cubs and then hook up with mom. Now you are understanding what I am saying right? What mom in their right mind would hook-up with a dumb ass bear that just ate her children? Not the one last night.. she fought his stupid ass all the way down the mountain. Then high tailed it outta there.


Which brings me to the buffalo. They spray the ground with their scent, then roll around in it (dumb) and wait for the challenger to arrive. The challenger, in turn, pisses on the ground, rolls in it, and waits for a response. Then they butt heads until one of them gives up and runs away. What is it with rolling in piss and head butting.


Now we come to the human male. Supposedly more advanced and more intelligent than their animal counter parts. The only thing they have going for them versus the animals is that they do NOT roll in their own piss (not that we know of anyway.) But this is why there is boxing and wrestling. because for some reason grown men can resist the urge to beat the shit out of one another until they are bloody, injured and /or unconscious. Does the winner get laid? Probably not right away because he hurts too damn bad. The loser? Well if he's lucky, he gets to go home and get laid in a week or 2. If not, he ends up in ICU. When he gets out and is healed, does he change professions? Hell no, he goes and picks another damn fight. Intelligent, huh?


Seriously, I don't understand how either the animal or the human species has been able to survive this long.


Oh by the way, if you are still reading this and you are female, I know you understand. If you are still reading and are male, I know you know I am all about humor and did not intend to offend you. So thanks for reading all the way through.