Thursday, May 28, 2009

Confessions to my mother



Now that I am 29g and can do as I damn well please (though she heard that when I was 16, 17 and 18) I thought it's time to get some things off of my chest. She is a regular read of my blog and now that she can't ground me or punish me in any way I figure what the hell. Some of these things she may already know and just never let on that she knew. I love you Mom!

Lets see.. where to start..

When I was 2 I took my diaper off and.... oh wait you were there for that ok fine... we shall jump in the time machine and go to about 16








In 10th grade, we had a cool Business Math teacher.. all he asked is that we stuck our head in the door to check in. If he had a test.. we had to stay.. if not.. would could stay or go.. but if we went and got caught wandering the campus.. he would deny ever seeing us. Needless to say, I never went to that class, but I got a passing grade. Maybe that's why I suck at handling money now.

I would regularly sneak out of the window with a boyfriend (Chris) and go to parties. I was always scared shitless because I just KNEW that dad would hear us sneaking back in at 5:30AM when he was getting up. Luckily for me, he never did.

I used to take your $1 bills you were saving for a radio contest.. thanks to me.. you never won $5000 or whatever the prize was for having the matching serial numbers.. I'm sorry. Really I feel bad.

I really WAS drunk when I wrecked my first car.





I had come back from a birthday party. I sobered right up as soon as I hit whatever I hit. Work was hell that next day. Luckily it was a Sunday and we were dead. The cool managers were there and let me lay on the break room table until they ABSOLUTELY needed me. That day DID scare me. I know know when I am too drunk to drive and will NOT. At least I learned from THAT stupid mistake.

I got served my first drink in a bowling alley. I bet my cousin, yes same cousin I always get in trouble with (my idea, not hers) that I would get served. I went up to the bar and said "Long Island Iced Tea please"
Bartender never carded me. It was the nastiest drink ever.. but we drank it!

On to 17...

Remember when I "spent the night at a friends house" and called you from a pay phone at 7:30 in the morning with some bullshit story that friends mom went into labor and dropped me off at the gas station? Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah the thing is.. The night before, I got a ride to a party in the woods that got busted by the cops. I ran with a friend all night through some woods, slept in a couple of front yards before I called you. THAT'S why I was all dirty.. not because friend and I were wrestling outside.

Cousin and I didn't go see "Misery" that night. We went to *Church Street Station in Orlando (now that we knew where it was) and hung out there all night. Her idea.. not mine. *Church Street Station was a happenin place back then, arcades, bars, shows on the street, vendors, restaurants.. lots of fun.

I was drunk the night Chris and Jeff brought me into the house and they told you "I wasn't feeling well" as the pulled the covers all the way up to my nose so you couldn't smell my breath. I had passed out on Jeff's front lawn, threw up in Chris' car before they decided I couldn't hang with them anymore

Ok.. that's all for now. I feel much better having got that off of my chest. Though I am sure that at some level you didn't want to believe any of this of your baby girl, I am glad you never let on or grounded me for it.


Fear not.. Mother's curse works. I have "The Boy" as payback from you.

I love you!

28 comments:

vodkamom said...

Karma is a bitch, baby. A real big bitch. (I am reliving my teens over and over again.....)

dizz said...

I KNEW you would appreciate this post!

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

ReformingGeek said...

Whew! I'm exhausted after reading this and I'm going to turn you over my knee!

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Mango Girl said...

LMAO!

Glad you survived the car wreck...pretty scary stuff!

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dizz said...

I'm a kicker.. itmight not turn out well.. lol

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

Thank you I am too! I still don't know what I hit

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

Shawn said...

Dayummm. That's a lot of confessing. Did you ever get to see Misery? Good movie...

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AD said...

Jeez, you party animal. I can't look at you the same way anymore. :p


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Slyde said...

wow, youve sure got some balls to lay that all out for mommy....

can i get your inheritance?

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Travis Erwin said...

I think I'll keep my youthful transgressions buried until I write some tell all memoir. Maybe after my mom has passed.

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Nena said...

oh wow we could have been friends! :) I will hold onto my confession from my youth for now...even though I havent even told my mother about our blog, my stories are....well soon perhaps I will share but I am past lucky to be alive....I was a very free I can do whatever I want kinda kid.

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blognut said...

As they say, what goes around comes around. No worries, though. You were no worse than the rest of us.

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Sky-Dad said...

For some reason my mom and dad always knew when I was in trouble, or about to get in trouble.

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Otin said...

My mom would die to this very day if she ever found out that my brother or I had ever smoked pot, if she ever confirmed that I believe she would die on the spot LOL!

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Guest said...

I was here :-)

Guest said...

OMG, I hear your Mom gasping for air now... what a wild child you were...

Now,, I'm off to get your Mom some Oxygen and a stiff drink..

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Marissa said...

Yikes! Nowadays, shenanigans can turn into murderous situations really fast. I'm glad we all grew up and screwed around during less creepy times.

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dizz said...

Oh yes.. that's how we got busted for going to Church Street

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

Yeah Yeah Yeah...I am just glad you weren't like me in that respect

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

Sorry Hon.. I think she is spending it as we speak

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

Ahhhhhh you're no fun! Lay it all out there!

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

Yep.. you seem like a wild child type ;) Can't wait to read more about you

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

That last thought crossed my mind.. In fact, I almost put that sentence in there. It is coming around The Boy is driving me NUTS!

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

Dammit telepathic parents suck! I feel for you

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

THAT'S what I forgot to confess... oh well. Even if I did tell her.. I don't think she'd be too surprised

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

She likes stiff things ;)

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

dizz said...

I know it.. I think that all the time!

Recent blog post: Confessions to my mother

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

You are very very brave.

And I wish I did half the things you did at those ages. I was borrrrrrring.

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