Wednesday, December 10, 2008

An open Letter to Hughesnet Satellite Company

I have seen a LOT of open letters here lately. They seems to make the authors feel better so I thought I would give it a try. Blog Therapy.. I like the sound of it!

To "John" or whatever the hell your real name is,

Who do you think you are fooling? We know Hughesnet has outsourced to India. When we call customer service, you want us to believe your name is John, or Pam or whatever. The reality is we probably can't pronounce your real name. So we play your game. Your script sucks and you don't know how to improvise, or even how to soothe ruffled feathers (I know you get a LOT of calls from pissed off people like me.) But that's not your fault, everyone has to work and you get it where you can. My issue is not with you anyway. My issue is with the shitty "High Speed Satellite", which is only fast if you don't want to do the things normal people like to do like watch a video on youtube. Because of your stupid Fair Access Policy, you make it impossible to enjoy being on line. Your "Fair Access Policy" is an oxymoron. This slows it's users down as a penalty for 24 hours because you wanted to get a laugh or two while using your space aged technology. How is this fair? After all, I pay you fuckers more money a month than I would if I had DSL. Why? Because I am stubborn and convinced myself that satellite was faster than DSL and I HAD to be right. (sound familiar ladies?) OK fine.. so I went cheap with the cheapest package.. it WAS fast in the beginning, then you changed your policy without warning after 6 months and I can't understand why I am surfing at slower than dial-up speeds when I violate FAP. (Fucking Asshole Pricks as I so lovingly call the policy). Only recently did you start including in your commercials the disclaimer that high speed is NOT guaranteed. Had I known that, I never would have subscribed E. V. E. R. So I upgrade and now pay you fuckers almost $100 a month so that I might be able to watch 2 youtube videos, or so my kids and hubby can play online PS3 games for 10 minutes or download an update to my computer, without slowing my surfing. All in hopes that this fixes everything. It did not. Hell, I can't go to my favorite bloggers' pages and watch their videos for fear that I might regret it like a drunk man with a coyote ugly woman when he wakes up in the morning, unless I do it between 2am and 7am when the FAP is relaxed. Damn.. too bad I have a life and have to sleep during that time so I can work the next morning.

The last 2 nights, FAP has been violated. I think I downloaded a program to my computer Sunday night. BIG mistake!! That slowed me down until 7pm last night. Last night about 9:30 my son decides to download videos and a song. Imagine that, a teenager using the internet for something other than studying. Which is again why I upgraded and pay a ridiculous amount of money. So here I am, at 10:30PM Tuesday, writing this letter in hopes that I can get it posted in less than 6 minutes from the time I hit "publish post". But alas, it is crawling like a snail instead. So I called India to find out how much time was left in my contract, which is here, in the U.S. Thank God I am under no contract anymore. Now I can get rid of the horrible dish on my roof and shove it up your... I mean so I can get rid of your shitty service. I know "John" had me on mute as he listened to me bitch about his company, the insane price I pay to crawl at dial up so slow a sloth would be pissed off, how I would NEVER recommend you to anyone, and whatever other bad things I had to say about it. He probably called me a fucking bitch and a few other choice words to his co-workers, (I know this, because I do it to my idiot callers on daily basis). Then I got to listen to him stammer as he tried to find the script for a pissed off caller, when he did not know what to say, he said, "Well, have a Happy Holiday." I hung up on him.

So as soon as my DSL modem gets here within the next couple of days, I will be paying less than half of what I pay you to rape me every month and you are out of here like 2 straight guys in a gay bar.


Disgruntled former Hughesnet idiot Customer (who was perfectly gruntled until I found you)

I was right I DO feel better!

PERFECT.. this morning... I got a customer satisfaction survey in my email.. it was a series of stupid ass questions. At the end they gave an opportunity to provide any comments, so I gave them a condensed version of theis letter. I said

"If you wouldn't outsource to India, want us to believe the person we are talking to is American with the name of John or Pam, if your satellite service wasn't so shitty, if you didn't have the FAP.. things might be better. But I am OVER it, I ordered DSL today, when it comes you are outta here like 2 guys in a gay bar. You really ought to change your policy so people actually enjoy using your service instead of penalizing them for using what they are paying WAY to much more for... and that is to be raped by your FAP.

So farewell!! OH and I will NEVER that's N E V E R recommend your service to anyone.. Not even my worst enemy. I would tell them to keep using dial-up, they'd be much happier, and will have saved a LOT of money in the long run!"

NOW I feel back to 100% again


Comedy Goddess said...

Do you think they can read English?

dizzblnd said...

LOL! I thought about that after I sent it.. my answer is probably not!

KimandCo said...

How do you say "fucking bitch" in Hindi?

dizzblnd said...

LMAO Kim.... I would LOVE to know!!

Anonymous said...

that was a really good letter...kudos to you for that! (you definitely have a point-foreigners can be a real pain in the rear...whoever decided to give them jobs over the phone was a real moron) As far as good internet service goes, I would recommend Optimum online...that's what we have in my house and the only reason why the internet is ever slow is if the computer is infected (which is obviously not the fault of the internet provider). Since I'm not the one who pays the bills in the house, I can't tell you how much it costs but I will tell you that it's a really good service...way better than Verizon, which we had before and really sucked.

dizzblnd said...

Thank you... I will check them out as well.

Remo said...

Whenever I get one of the offshore call centers, I always call them "Hadji." When they complain, I call them "Mohammed."

acute_disaster said...

Well said!



dizzblnd said...

lol remo... I will have to remember that!

Thank you AD

Kate said...

Oh man, I just about signed up for the Hughesnet service! Ha. I love remo's comment!

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