Monday, November 24, 2008

This is yet another of my friendly public service announcements

11 things NOT to do before you've had your coffee:

After reading Sassy's blog about her morning..

I have added 1 more:

11. Do NOT get dressed for the gym.. you may end up wearing panties on your head for a headband!

10. Don't Have Sex.. Well.. if you're not a habitual java drinker, drinking a cup BEFORE sex can help enhance the sexual experience.

9. Don't try to operate heavy machinery or your car. Your slow reflexes caused by lack of a nervous system jolt will surely lead to an accident.

8. Don't sign anything legally binding. This defense won't stand up in court, so heed this advice.

7. Don't try to converse about anything that requires logic or thinking on your part, you will only look like an idiot to your peers, family, friends and/or co-workers.

6. Don't try to reason with an arguing 6 year old. You will end up sounding and acting just like her.

5. Don't lie about anything. Your lack of quick wit and judgment will come back and bite you in the ass later.

4. Don't slump over the breakfast table, you might find your left breast in your freshly poured cup.

3. Don't give anyone directions, you might end up telling them to go to hell!

2. Men, don't argue with a women about who makes the coffee.. the Bible clearly states Hebrews! You will lose every time.

1. Do NOT under any circumstances make a pot of coffee. This only leads to disaster. You will
A) pour the water and turn it on WHILE you are filling the thingie with grinds letting water go EVERYWHERE.(this I have done 3 days in a row now)
B) Forget to put the grinds in and end up with a nice pot of hot water
C) You will lose count of the scoops of grinds you put in and have to start over again and again.
D) Forget to put water in at ALL
E) Fill it with water, put the grinds in and let it brew, only to realize the carafe is sitting on the counter. Damn I really need to get one with AUTO settings. ©Dizzblnd 2009


Babbington said...

Ok... 4. Don't slump over the breakfast table, you might find your left breast in your freshly poured cup....

PLEASE tell me you didn't do this?!

Honestlt, that's as bad as the time(s) when I have fallen asleep with a cup in my hand, on my lap, only to wake with a jump, thus pouring a scolding beverage all over my man bits!

dizzblnd said...

LMAO @ you... you crack me up ALWAYS! Number 4 did not happen to me.. but I thought it would be a funny one to add

Poetry Sue said...

Number 4 has happened to me... which means that had to be one enormous coffee cup... I have the tatas of a titan... sad really... I can't pierce my nipples for fear that they will get tangled in my shoelaces...

Lee the MWOB Queen said...

I know you may think I'm a total freak and abandon me completely...but I don't drink coffee. I have only one coffee-type drink each man serves me up the yummiest homemade cappuccino and that's it. I don't even know HOW to make a regular cup of joe. Weird huh?

Anonymous said...

You think that's bad? Try breaking a caffeine addiction at the tender age of (My high school starts super early so last year, as a freshman, I developed a serious addiction to caffeine...Keep in mind, my parents buy Columbian coffee...but, when our well water started messing with my stomach, I had to put an end to my little addiction...Needless to say, it wasn't fun)

dizzblnd said...

you all KILL me...

Sue.. I have bodacious ta-ta's myself.. I have dipped then in MANY things before.. mostly cold things to hubby's delight!! LOL

Lee.. don't think you are a freak at all... I didn't start drinking cofee until my late 20's .. I can alternate between coffee and green tea

NH... you poor poor soul.. I couldn't even imagine having top break a caffine habit THAT early in life,... much less trying to do it in high school. I feel for you.. but your blogs are great so keep up the good work!

kateykates said...

Now I know what my problem is....not enough coffee!

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