Thursday, September 24, 2009

Another Email Gem

After trying for a good 3 minutes to come up with something original.. I gave up. So you are stuck with another email goody to make you laugh. Thanks to me SIL for sending me this funny:

This is a story by David McClure from the Dallas News Community Opinion page.

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet – a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.


Anonymous said...

and I have to thank dear Barb for sending it to me. So funny. I've done the this is NOT MY CAR's certianly a 'moment' that makes you run home for your binky!!

dizzblnd said...

Shelly.. LMAO I've done that too.. my alarm button wouldn't open the door.. then I tried the key. I panicked until the owner of the car questioned me.. then he laughed and pointed to MY car 2 spaces down EMBARRASSING

A Mom on Spin said...

All of that, I'm I'm older than 48!

sherri said...

Boy does this sound familiar! Hee Hee!

Sass said...

My dad always asks to get carded when he's buying wine.

A really cute little salesgirl got him once, when she said, "I don't need to see your i.d., sir. We don't have a senior citizens discount."

I got in someone else's car once, and sat there for a minute, and thought..."Hmm...I am really smart to have handi-wipes right here. Man, I did a good job cleaning this thing." I realized it wasn't mine, but I just sat a little longer. It was so clean.

So nice.

And then the owner knocked on the window.


dizzblnd said...

mom on a.. uh oh.. it starts THAT early?

Sherri.. I think ONE of those has happened to all of us.. hopefull not all of them

Sass.. that salesgirl sounds like she she is related to you ;)
I would have sat in that car forever too.. mine is NEVER clean

Anonymous said...

Ha! That is hilarious! I loved it. I have too many senior moments and frankly? They suck!

SkylersDad said...

This is just wonderful, I am stealing it!

ReformingGeek said...

So far, I've not gone to the wrong car but I have been guilty of trying to walk off with the wrong buggy at the supermarket. Sheesh! Give an old gal a break. You'd think I was walking off with their first born. Yeah. I know there was a kid in the buggy. Oops. Sorry. My bad. It really did look like my cart.


Collette said...

Oh No! I'm only 42. Do I lock myself away now before this starts happening to me? Or could it be that my blonde or Polish moments are really old age creeping in?

J.J. in L.A. said...

That was cute! Even at 45, I forget my stuff ALL the time (I've also done the 'not my car' thing)...but at least I look good while doing it. ; )

Joanie M said...

Oh that IS funny!!!

My ex left because he was freaked out about getting older and traded me in for a 35 year old when I was 49. I never ever forwarded any of his mail to him in NJ where he lived with the slut. EXCEPT anything he got from AARP. a little reminder every now and then doesn't hurt. :)

♥ Braja said...

I never forget anything at 45. Nothing.

So. Who are you again?

dizzblnd said...

QL they can't ALL be bad.. you can use them as excuse.. "I'm sorry I forgot your birthday.. I'm gettin old ya know"

Chris.. you know you are welcome to anything I post ;)

RG: LMAO leave it to you!

Collete: Padded rooms aren't so bad.. that's what they tell me anyway

JJ: It's funny how we all so readily admit to it.. support group time?

Joanie: You are evil!!! I LOVE it!

Braja: Funny funny girl you are

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